Walmart Weeping

I was clearing out some of my old drafts in my blog when I found this one that I wrote probably six months ago. It's amazing to see how God laid this conviction on my heart and is still teaching me the same things over and over again (and even through my own words this time). I actually went to walmart today and didn't feel anything except the need for more, so this reminder came at the perfect time for me. I hope you can learn something from past Courtney, too.
Here it is:

 I am crying. in the middle. of the canned fruit/veggies isle. in walmart.

This is weird.

I know this is weird because the guy beside me who just reached for his applesauce gave me a look that said, "I am going to get as far away from you as possible as soon as possible."

Ok, so I knew it was weird before that, but I couldn't help it. Here's some background: I'm reading 7 by Jen Hatmaker, a book all about the excess that we have in our lives and how it does not glorify God (it's really good btw (the book, not excess.)). And I've been really convicted of all of the excess and areas where I go overboard in my life. It's kind of been wrecking my life, which is fine.

But as I stand here, tears running down my face, freaking people out because you just do not cry in walmart, I think about how just 20 minutes ago I tried to convince my boss that I was normal. Yet clearly, this is not normal. But I can only look at the rows upon rows of food and see the faces of children who will only eat one cup of rice today. I think about how I wonder what the best kind of sliced peaches to get are, while some children will never even know what a peach is. I pull myself slightly together, then one look down the candy isle, indulgence central, and I begin again. I take it back: Dearest Boss, I am not normal.

But I'm glad, I'm glad that I don't just walk down these isles and think, "What do I want?" instead I think, "What do others need? and what do I actually need, not just want? How can I cut back on what I just want and will probably toss out anyway, so that I can give more to someone who may not see food more than once a day?" I'm glad my eyes have been opened to the pain of others. While I may look like a freak in walmart, at least my heart is broken for the people who live next door to me.

So why am I writing this? Well partially because I thought it was kinda funny, and also because I hope you would look at your life and see the areas where there is excess, maybe even a lot of excess. I hope that you would pray over what you've been blessed with and see if you can bless others then go to work attacking the desires of the flesh that say we need more more more.

Well, I probably won't be going to walmart for a while. Some of the looks I was getting today weren't so welcoming...